Old Jokes Home
If a woman is uncomfortable watching you have a w<b></b>ank, do you think:
a) You need more time together?
b) She’s a prude?
c) She should sit somewhere else on the bus?
Tophe
I have something on my mind grapes
Now What?
Dammit. I finished the story for GTA IV.
I knew I should have delivered all the drugs, won all the races, killed all the criminals and shot all the pigeons before getting to this point, because now hit hardly seems worth trying to get 100%.
Must be time to start over from the beginning, this time making all the opposite decisions! (What? I’m moving to Sydney - I won’t have any friends anyway.)
EARWORM ALERT: In my head for four days and counting. And it’s three years old! Stupid BMW ad.
Queensland FTW!
How Do I Liiiiiiiiive Without Yooo?
This weekend just gone, I was able to play GTA IV on a 58” LCD - and ever since I have been unable to concentrate. Or eat. Or sleep.
Without that television, even breathing is a struggle.
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
This is my new career low point. Or possibly high point. I can’t quite tell.
My Elizabeth II - Let Me Show You It.
Hilary Swank: OM NOM NOM NOM
- (HEARD AT WORK TODAY)
- Scotty: What celebrity do you hate based purely on looks?
- Caller: Hilary Swank.
- Scotty: Why don't you like Hilary Swank?
- Caller: I don't know, it's just...it's like she's got too many teeth.
- Nige: That's because she does! She has all the teeth!
- Caller: And I can't take her seriously in any role she does because all I can think is TEETH.
- Nige: Sometimes you see bogan guys missing a few teeth - Swank's got 'em!
An Open Email
To: Will Ferrell
CC: John C. Reilly
Subject: Comedy
Dear Will,
You’re pretty funny. I get that. Anchorman has become one of my favourite movies, and you’re often directly responsible for the pop culture quotes that come flying out of my mouth. I even take quotes from your Voice Immodulation sketch with Tina Fey on SNL, even though I’m the only one I know who has seen it, and therefore no one gets the reference. I’m willing to take that hit out of respect for you.
But enough with the semi-nudity! PLEASE understand that out of shape pale hairy guys getting their kit off stopped being funny after - actually, I’m not sure it ever really started. Sure, it showed a commitment to your craft, and set up the possibility of some crazier gags down the track (as in “Wow! Those guys will do anything!”; but on its own it was never that amusing. And after four or so movies in a row featuring it, it doesn’t even have shock/gross-out value. It’s just taking up valuable celluloid.
I have been told great things about the upcoming Step Brothers, so I started to IMDb it, and what was the third photo I saw? You and John C. Reilly, leaping in the air in your durps.
I mean - really?
Regards,
Tophe.
“ If you feel your Scott Baio knowledge is deficient, you might want to catch Biography: Scott Baio (Biography, 10 PM) tonight. If you’d rather use that hour to, say, give yourself a frontal lobotomy, I’ll sum it up for you: He starred in Charles In Charge and boned Pamela Anderson. You’re welcome.
Television Without Pity
A Day Later
I still haven’t heard from Who.com. I have no idea how long these things are supposed to take, but every day that passes gets me a little bit more worried.
Meanwhile, this Tumblr has turned into “Tophe frets about his job.com”. How dull.
